Torn

I can't believe it! I never thought the day would come. I had a slight suspicion - but never the proof. Now, here it is - a slap in the face! I can not believe that it is true. You married her! The one that cheated on you, the one that stole your heart and then threw it away - Oh wait - after she trampled on it, and squeezed all the life that was left - out of it! Her! The one that left you battered and bruised! The one that you titled in your phone "Don't Answer".

I know that it shouldn't matter. I know that I shouldn't care. But her? I can't believe that it is true. I mean, I knew that you went back to her - that you were living with her - but to go and make her your wife! I don't get it. Why? I know that it shouldn't matter. I know that I shouldn't care. But I do. Even now - married myself , a mother of two - a wonderful life. But a life without you. We used to be friends. At times even more. But I really can't believe that you'd marry that .......... girl! That two faced twin. I can't believe the truth - or the lie I live in. I know that it shouldn't matter. I know that I shouldn't care. But I do.

A Wife, And Still A Woman.

I understand that you are busy. That you work Monday through Friday, and come home tired. That sometimes you just want to put the kids to bed and veg out on the couch with the TV on.But what I do not understand is how it came to be that it seems that you have lost your interest in me. I sometimes wonder if you find me as beautiful and charming as you once did. I wonder if I am still funny, or if you still enjoy my laugh and my smile.And I wonder how it happens that I end up upstairs alone,while you sit on the couch. Most of all, I wonder if you understand how it makes me feel.

Lonely, sad, alone, forgotten. As if I am a wife, but like you have forgotten that I am a woman. A woman who wants to feel loved, cherished, and like she is the most beautiful woman in the room. I can now understand how women fall into adulterous sin. Not for the passion, sex or even the thrill, but simply for the chance to feel alive! Like someone acctually wants to make conversation and hear what you have to say. A chance to feel wanted, to feel loved, to feel like a woman.

Missing Quazimoto

It is the beginning of the new year and though I am happy with the course that my life has taken, and excited about all the opportunities that the new year has to offer, I can not help but think about the one that got away. Wait. Was it that he got away or was it that he let me get away? The truth of the matter is that the truth is unknown- and what could have been will always remain a mystery. For the protection and confidentiality of all parties, myself included, names have been changed or will not be mentioned.

Quazimoto, believe it or not, was acctually the pet name that we had for each other. How it came about is another unknown fact, and as odd as it may seem, I kinda liked it.

Anyway, years have passed and both of us have moved on. But my thoughts tend to drift to him, more often than I'd like to admit. And though I know that it is a natural part of human nature and life, I can admit that it makes me feel aweful, ashamed, and even disrespectful towards my husband. But, I can't help it. I love him, Quazimoto, and always will. He has a piece of my heart that will always belong to him.