Fighting Sucks! Need to Vent!

I am so upset! DH and I had an argument this morning. Since I am staying home. He went and got a second job at night. Which I was already upset about because he's been talking about it for a while already and I would say that I didn't want him to. But his brother was talking about how he went and applied and so DH just decided to do it. And told me after the fact. So now DH works 8am-5pm at his regular job and then gets home around 6pm-6:30pm and then leaves for his second job from 10pm-3:00am. Needless to say, it feels like we hardly see him- much less spend quality time with him. Which is the whole reason I quit my restraunt managment job! And though it is only M-F it drives me nuts! Especially since he doesn't do a darn thing to help around the house anymore. I know that I should cut him some slack since he is only trying to help our financial issues. But I am just upset! On top it is not s piece of cake staying home with a 1 year old and an almost 3 year old- both boys, I might mention. And then he tries to tell me what I should do at home with the kids. Like he is here all day! You know how men swear they could do it. And I say," You don't know, you are not here all day." Then that pisses him off. He just doesn't understand! Anyone else having these issues? Any suggestions?

So lonely I could cry

So lonely I could cry.... Yes, I know that it is a song. In fact I am sure that there is a version by Elvis and also one by Johnny Cash. But unfortunately, it is not the song that I am talking about, but rather my emotions. I have lived in this wonderful state for almost two years now. Acctually, it will be exactly two years in Mid-October. And I have yet to settle in.I have no family here besides that of my husbands. And even worse, not a single friend. Sure there are acquaintances - you know, like from church, kids playdates, ex-co-workers, things like that. But no true friends, you know those are few and far between. My most absolute besties are actually not even in the same state. Celina - whom I have known since high school, lives in CA - and Heather lives in NM. So, as you can see - I am often left with nothing more than phone conversation and emails to express my feelings - and let's face it - media doesn't do you any justice when you just want to scream or cry.............


What about my hubby you ask - good question - what about him? No but really, while he absolutely a wonderful man - a great husband and father - he just doesn't get it. You know, men- while you are spilling your guts out - they just don't understand! Woes me - So, while I am left to deal....... I hope that you can relate - or at least get a chuckle out of this.........

Dissapointment in myself

Like I have always said being a Stay at Home Mom is not for everyone. And definately not for me! Sadly, and ashamed,I know it is the truth. I have come to conclude that being a SAHM brings out the worst in me. While I try my best, I am often defeated. I find myself mad at my husband for everything. I feel like I am always nagging him. I am always upset that the house is never clean, besides my best efforts.And it seems that I am scolding my kids every five minutes. Overall, I feel like such an unhappy and unfifilled person. I realize how lonely I am. And I realize that I am afraid of becoming my mother.I feel like I am a bad mother - but I love my kids more than anything! I pray that I am wrong and that they know how much they are loved. Most of all I feel like a failure. At least in my own eyes. I mean what kind of mother can not stay at home with her kids? Sad.I want to make a difference in this world, I want my life to count for something, but the truth is I can not even make a difference in my own home. Failure.

Entitlement

Why do people walk around as if they are entitled?

I went to the supermarket today and twice - it happened to me. First, I drove into the parking lot to find a spot. I stopped way ahead of time - quite a distance - to let an older lady know that I was stopping to let her cross. She just walked across as if she was entitled. She didn't even look my way to say thank you - a waive- a smile. Nothing.

Then, after my shopping. (I had just run in to grab a loaf of bread.) I proceeded to back out of my parking spot. I was almost out when this lady and her buggy zoomed right behind me. Of-course I stopped! I can't believe that she didn't even stop. How rude! I waited until she went to the opposite side of the aisle, then went on my way.

My thought is this :
I think that the world would be a much better place if we all practiced even the slightest bit of kindness to one another.

My challange:
Practice kindness to a total stranger today.

"Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you."
Proverbs 11:17