We meet again. . .

Well it has been quite a while since my last post. A lot has changed. My family and I have relocated from Colorado to Texas. Yes, Texas. The state that swears it should be it's own country - and perhaps it very well could be. Texas, the place where almost everyone wears cowboy boots and says "y'all". Well, it would not have been my top pick - but since all my family (mom, dad, and siblings) decide to do it, we jumped on board. I must say that I am fond of the sweet tea that is carried almost everywhere. Oh sweet tea how I love you!

Well, it certainly has been an adventure- we are now living with my dad, my youngest sister who has a two year old, and of course my husband and our two boys. Whew! Needless to say, it is a busy household - full or adventure, always noisy, the occasional quarrel, and never a dull moment. So, stay tuned. . . .

Dissapointment in myself

Like I have always said being a Stay at Home Mom is not for everyone. And definately not for me! Sadly, and ashamed,I know it is the truth. I have come to conclude that being a SAHM brings out the worst in me. While I try my best, I am often defeated. I find myself mad at my husband for everything. I feel like I am always nagging him. I am always upset that the house is never clean, besides my best efforts.And it seems that I am scolding my kids every five minutes. Overall, I feel like such an unhappy and unfifilled person. I realize how lonely I am. And I realize that I am afraid of becoming my mother.I feel like I am a bad mother - but I love my kids more than anything! I pray that I am wrong and that they know how much they are loved. Most of all I feel like a failure. At least in my own eyes. I mean what kind of mother can not stay at home with her kids? Sad.I want to make a difference in this world, I want my life to count for something, but the truth is I can not even make a difference in my own home. Failure.